Technology at this point in time
2025-04-18
Joel tagged me in a blogging challenge, and while I don't feel inclined to answer the questions directly, I now feel like I want to talk about technology broadly.
In Nat's post, Studying computer science at the end of history, they said, "The truth is I find being a computer science student incredibly embarrassing." I nodded my head vigorously at this, despite our reasons for it being completely different. I feel the same way as someone who is somewhat generally interested in technology. I, snobbishly, don't want to be grouped in with people who are "techies." Also, I don't really feel like someone who is "interested in technology."
My interest in technology has waned over time. The last time I got really excited over something "technology" related was discovering the Fediverse back in 2021 or 2022. I thought it was so cool that there were alternatives to "Big Social Media" and that even I, could run my own social media server that talks to other social media servers. My first Mastodon instance was even Fosstodon. However, ever since spinning up my own Mastodon instance, the excitement quickly faded. Once given the "behind the scenes" of something, I think it loses some of that allure.
Writing this now, I think I realize that Fosstodon has contributed a lot to my dislike of "technology culture." I just couldn't take being around so many tech bros, that I deliberately distanced myself from it, and spun up my own Mastodon instance. There is nothing wrong inherently, with being a "techo bro." I am just personally averse to people who make technology their entire personality (which is rich, coming from someone who makes music their entire personality), and them interacting with me like I am also just as passionate about FOSS/software/linux/technology as they are. Maybe Fosstodon didn't really make me dislike technology, but rather, showed me that I don't like technology like that.
Of course, I'm not entirely divorced from technology. I self host a bunch of services for myself. I vaguely keep up to date with tech news (mostly through osmosis from people around me). I am still a software developer, after all. I like to solve problems with code. I also spend a fuck ton of my time on screens.
I think these days, I largely see technology as a tool, rather than something to get excited over. When I think about it, I actually made this realization years ago. I was expressing dissatisfaction with my career choice to my therapist. They asked me why I got into software development in the first place. I said, "it was a vehicle for my writing." Now, I would say it is a vehicle for my self expression. Technology enables me to express myself and share it with others. From the humble pen and paper, to the bloated CMS, to the decentralized social network, to the laggy video calls, to the real time live concerts... All of it just an outlet. Technology may change, but my desire for self expression will not.
Aries season
2025-04-16
A lot of Aries babies this month, specifically in the last week. It was my mother's birthday last week. And three of my cousins. And an uncle. And my cousin's fiancee. One of my cousins also gave birth, as well, but it was not all entirely a happy ocassion. The last week was a rollercoaster of celebration and mourning. A time of beginnings and endings. It still doesn't feel right to write my standard week notes post.
The past few days I've been listening to a lot of Sufjan Stevens. Now that, that seemed right.
I've also been listening to Ethel Cain's "Punish" a lot. It's a beautiful, somber song. I think I fell in love with it the first time I heard it. The opening lines just spoke to me.
"Whatever's wrong with me, I will take to bed."
Ethel Cain's voice is so delicate and precise against the sparse piano chords and creaks. There's so much room to contemplate, for the words to resonate. And the guitar chords comes in so perfectly. It somehow feels like there is still so much room, despite the wall of sound. And, somehow, the song feels incredibly short despite its six minute runtime. It feels like it should be much longer. But, everything comes to an end.
it doesn't feel right
2025-04-09
it doesn't feel right to eat the delicious dinner you were just excitedly cooking, when someone dies
nor does it feel right to hear the TV in the living room, blasting with the news, as it always is, 24/7
everything should be dull, and quiet
Week Note #33: Mar 27 to Apr 2
2025-04-02
- 📚 I started reading Three Lives by Gertrude Stein, a book that one of my TAs recommended me. I'm very interested in Stein's poetry, despite being confused over it. My TA said that you could kind of see echoes of her poetry in her novels, so it was worth reading. I do see those echoes, namely the repetition. But, what I like from Stein's poetry isn't really present in her prose. I like the innovative ways Stein looks at objects. When it comes to her interpersonal relationship observations like in this novel... Well, it's a bit dry. I'm almost done reading it, so I'll see how I feel once it's over.
- 🗳️ I joined a friend's Retrospring instance and it is very interesting. I never really thought that people could build a community around a social media site that is literally just asking each other questions? Think the "ask" function on Tumblr. It's an interesting phenomenon to witness. I don't really participate much, because it is filled with literal teenagers. But it's a good time waster.
- 💰 Submitted my taxes, and my parents taxes. Also helped my cousin submit his taxes for the first time. I find that taxes aren't that bad. For me, it's just the dread of having to do something hanging over my head.
- 🎓 I started studying for final exams. I am scared for my poetry course. They're going to throw quotes at us, and ask what poem they're from. Which, yes, sounds obvious, and easy. But memorization is not my strong suit. And there are around 100 poems to memorize. I am scared! But I'm trying my best!
- 🦥 This week I have been a sloth. Just not living with any urgency whatsoever, despite my obligations and responsibilities. Is it burnout? Depression? Bad eating habits? Lack of sleep? Apathy towards my day job? General horror at the state of the world? I don't know whatever could be the problem!
🎙️ Podcasts Listened
I've been listening to more podcasts. Mostly when I'm journaling (it takes me 45 minutes up to an hour in the morning to do journal).
- The Astrology Podcast: April Astrology Forecast 2025
- Pill Pod: Revolution Rip Tide
- Pill Pod: BURNOUT SOCIETY by Byung-Chul Han
- Pill Pod: Luigi's Mansion
- Pill Pod: America's Religious Death Cult
- Professing Literature: Prufrock Among the Women | Eliot, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” (Part One)
- The History of Literature: Gertrude Stein
🎵 Music
- Ever since I cancelled my Spotify subscription, I'm finding it harder to find time to keep up with new music, or to discover new music. Now I know what people mean by not having time to listen to music. Streaming services just make it so easy. You just find a playlist that sounds like what you're looking for, and then hit play. While I do like listening to my current library, it's kinda starting to feel stale. But I have too many things going on to log into SoulSeek and download stuff.
- I did, however, manage to listen to Lucy Dacus's and Deafheaven's new albums. I unfortunately do not really have any opinions other than, it was pleasant. I 100% need to re-listen to them. I also have some other albums (minis and EPs alike) in my mental to-listen list (Seulgi's mini comes to mind).
💿 Top Albums
- KAI - The 1st Mini Album by KAI: I am hyping myself up for Kai's comeback. Has it happened yet? I'm ready.
- NewJeans 2nd EP 'Get Up' by NewJeans
- BB/ANG3L by Tinashe
- Lonely People With Power by Deafheaven
- TANGK by IDLES
- Forever is a Feeling by Lucy Dacus
- Is This It by The Strokes
- Lush by Snail Mail
No week note this week
2025-03-26
I realize this feeling is most likely temporary but I am really not feeling Week Notes right now.
I ate an entire chocolate bar that didn't even taste good.
Ate a whole bag of chips.
Bought a big of those mini chocolate Easter eggs and gorged on a quarter of the bag.
Strange, I never saw myself as a snacker. But these days, I just want to eat.
Anyhow, I took a food coma nap for three hours instead of doing school work. Woke (still very groggy after two hours), got upset at the news, and now I am just in no state to do anything really productive.
Overall, not a fun day.
The week has been going okay until now, I think.
Hopefully tomorrow, after a good night's sleep, I will feel better.