Intelligence, or lack of it

2024-11-11

I don't feel like I'm a particularly smart person. Of course, "being smart" can mean a myriad of things. Some people might look at me and say that I'm smart because I got good grades in school or because I finished a university degree.

However, the reason why I got good grades in school is because I relied on rote memorization. Great for maths and getting a computer science degree. Not so great if you want to be able to solve complex problems that aren't from a textbook, or if you want to discuss abstract concepts in depth. I can parrot definitions and pull out common proofs but outside of that... Nada.

Looking back on my education, I wonder if I ever really understood any of what I learned, or if I ever "learned" anything at all. It's strange for me to say this as someone who proclaims to "love learning." Maybe I just like listening to smart people talk about things they actually know about.

For example, if you were to take a look at Bloom's taxonomy, I just clear the first level of learning: knowledge. This is simply remembering, identifying, or listing things. There are several levels of learning above that: understanding, applying,analyzing, evaluating, and creating, in that order. Depending on the subject, I can probably engage in high levels of learning, but I would safely say that most of my time spent learning is in the knowledge level.

Knowing this, you would think my work is cut out for me. I genuinely struggle to engage with concepts on a deeper level. Maybe it's because of the English courses I've been taking, but I consistently feel like there is something always out of reach for me to understand something. It frustrates me when I think about it.

I've read a few resources on this and really, and one way to remedy this is time and good instruction. Both of which I feel like I'm lacking right now and lacked in the past. In the condensed courses I'm taking, there is very little time to pause and really think.

This is really a sore spot for me because I can so clearly see my deficits but trying to fix them feels impossible. A part of me thinks that, maybe, I'm just a simpleton who is not made for critical thinking. It feels like I'm trying to cultivate an property that is innate in some people but not in others. Like I'm trying to be someone that I'm not. This is all very self-defeating thinking but it comes across my mind often.

Anyway, no real answers here. I'm about to go and continue to contemplate my life and what I'm doing with it, for the nth time.

I'm not going to meet the challenge

2024-11-07

I've resigned myself to the fact that I am not going to finish 100 Days to Offload this year. I don't know why every year I give it a try and then never finish it. Of course, the "goal" is to just start posting more and I think this challenge did help me with that. I managed to post around 50 posts this year, which I think is actually pretty good. That's like a little less than one post per week. So to say that I managed to do that, I'm quite pleased.

I was posting pretty well until the summer months. I had a routine going. But then June came around. I talked about before how I become pretty useless during the summer. One thing that I didn't talk about in that post is how once my routine changes, it's incredibly hard for me to bounce back from it.

Honestly, I'd say I'm still suffering the consequences from it, even a week into November. No matter how much I may "want" to get back to my regular schedule, I'm complacent. Sleeping in later than usual is one of the things I've been slacking on. Lately I've been waking up just on time to run to my laptop and start my work day. It's not been good. I miss having some time before work, because if I don't have the free time before work, I'm now stressing out and doing things after work all the way up to and past midnight. "After work" enables my procrastination brain and even when procrastinating, I never feel good about it. It's like a nagging feel in the back of my mind. "I should be doing this thing but it's okay, I'll wait until 18:25 to get started on it. Okay it's now 18:27 let's extend that to 18:30." And so on, and so on.

Literally, there is no other way for me to get back on the horse other than to just do it. But it's so hard to get past the sleep barrier. So odd of me to say but I want to wake up at 4AM every day like I used to.

Tonight will be my night, and I will good to bed at a reasonable time and wake up early (hopefully).

Week #18 - Oct 29 to Nov 5

2024-11-05

• 🗓️ Where did the weeks go? I was really busy this week and evey time Tuesday rolled around and I remembered about the weekly note I was like, ugh, I'm too tired. I don't know why I've been slacking so hard this semester but I'm over it.
• 📻 Tyler, the Creator came out with a new album and I really like it. However, I'm not so sure about the replayability of some of the tracks, even of the album is pretty good from start to finish. Other than that, I've been listening to a lot of mall emo like The Used, Pierce the Veil, Panic! At the Disco, etc. I'm still not coming down from the WWWYF hype. Also, I've been spinning 4 Walls by f(x) a whole lot, recently. It's just so good to my ears lately.
• 💿 I shamelessly ordered the 20th Anniversary box set of Green Day's American Idiot, and it arrived over the weekend! I can't believe it's been 20 years. I wasn't a fan right away, I think I became a fan in 2005/2006. Becoming a fan of theirs was such a big event in my life, that, for a long time, I split my life between "before Green Day and after Green Day."
• 📚 What is reading? No comics or novels in the last week. I've truly fallen off the wagon.
• 🇵🇭 My cousin left for the Philippines on Hallowe'en. The day before he left, a small gathering us cousins went to a pub for wings night to send him off. We played some billiards too, it was fun!
• 🎓 I posted about this on Mastodon, but one of my profs offered me a student position as a grader at my university. I was so flattered but my time management lately has not been great. I don't think I could juggle school, two jobs, and what ever else I do in my free time. I'll just concentrate on school and work (sad face).

Dilemma

2024-11-03

Note: No sponsoring here, I'm just really passionate about music.

If you can't tell already, I'm a huge My Chemical Romance fan. I've been thinking a lot about them recently, especially their legacy. In my opinion, they've never released a bad album, and they've never released a bad track either. Of course, it's highly subjective on whether or not you like their music to begin with, but I think it's hard to deny that their artistic vision from album to album is tight.

A lot of that is due to Gerard Way, MCR's vocalist. He is a creative force to reckon with. Besides singing, Way is also an artist. Before MCR, he interned at Cartoon Network. After MCR, he created the comic book series Umbrella Academy (which became a Netflix series) and just recently launched another comic book series, Paranoid Gardens. He's has several writing credits for DC and Marvel comics as well. His craft is not limited to just singing but also visual arts and story telling. This is highly evident in MCR's discography, as each one has some sort of story or visual palette.

In one interview, Gerard revealed that he had a long term plan for MCR. He was thinking several albums ahead and he had a message that he wanted to convey for each album. The Black Parade was the last album he planned for. The album after that, Danger Days was less about a message, and more about telling a story. Of course, the creativity of MCR is not just limited to Gerard. They are a group of people highly dedicated to their craft. Frank Iero, one of their guitarists, talked about how they would practice and write music while on tour, 4 to 5 hours a day.

What I find admirable about all of this, is that everything about MCR is deliberate. It can be argued that after The Black Parade, they had nothing to say. And after the less successful Danger Days, which did not have a specific message, they decided to call it quits. Of course, there were a lot of other variables contributing to the breakup, but I think this was the reason why MCR has a good legacy today: they didn't force themselves to create more than they had to.

This is something I think about in contrast to Green Day's legacy. Green Day's last successful mainstream album was American Idiot, twenty years ago in 2004. Since then, they haven't made anything as significant. I'm a big Green Day fan but as the years went by, I kept getting disappointed with every subsequent release after American Idiot. A big part of why I think post-American Idiot Green Day doesn't land with me as much anymore, is because it feels like they have anything new to say.

American Idiot, the album, while a little contrived at times, said a lot about living in post 9/11 America, living in a dysfunctional family, addiction issues, and heartbreak. After American Idiot, it felt like Green Day just kept trying to recapture that spark from the album, rehash the same topics without any fresh takes, or they would go the opposite direction and just release mindlessly fun tracks (not that there's anything wrong with it, but it's nothing innovative).

This is why I think Dilemma, a song released at the beginning of 2024, is the best single Green Day has released in years. The song is about frontman Billie Joe Armstrong relapsing back to drinking alcohol, and all the ups and downs that come with it. There is something incredibly heartfelt and genuine about the song. I'm sure their discography since 2004 included personally relevant songs as well, but this one is just somehow a cut above the others. Unfortunately, the rest of their 2024 album did not have the same quality, but I clung to this single so hard when it came out. It made me think, "they still got it."

A lot of My Chemical Romance fans have been clamoring for another album. With all of this in mind, I say, release an album, but only if they can guarantee the same quality, the same execution in creative vision, and the same depth. It's a lot to ask from a band, but I would like to think that they have the same standards for themselves.

When You Were Young - Day 1

2024-11-01

And sometimes you close your eyes and see the place where you used to live

When you

Were young

— The Killers, "When You Were Young"

I went to Vegas two weeks ago to attend a music festival called, "When We Were Young." The premise of the festival is essentially a nostalgia cash grab aimed at millennials who really loved emo, screamo, punk, pop-punk, and alternative rock from the 2000's to early 2010's. I am someone who absolutely falls into this demographic.

Music has always been a big part of my life, and it really did start with pop-punk/pop-rock. Green Day was the first band I became absolutely obsessed with. Shortly after, it was the band My Chemical Romance. Green Day headlined the festival last year (I did not attend), but My Chemical Romance did headlined this year.

Despite MCR headlining, I originally attended this festival because of one of my favourite bands was playing my favourite album of theirs front to back: Coheed and Cambria and their album Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV Volume One: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness. There were a few other bands in the lineup that I was interested in like Taking Back Sunday, Dance Gavin Dance, Underoath, Silverstein, and, of course, My Chemical Romance. But my main motivation was that Coheed album. So, I bought tickets and booked a mini vacay in Vegas.

Day 1

I was really hyped going into the festival. On the first day, I woke up and went to the gates two hours before they opened. The line was definitely long but thankfully it was spread across multiple entry points. Going through the line didn't take much time at all, it was just waiting for the gates to open that took the longest time. In hindsight, I really did not have to go that early.

I bought a locker so as soon as we were let in, I immediately dumped my sweaters and power bank there. It is of course very hot in Vegas, but at night I was shivering. And who wants to carry sweaters around during the day? Not I!

L.S. Dunes

After that, I walked over to the first set that I wanted to see. It was L.S. Dunes, a supergroup consisting of band members from Coheed and Cambria, My Chemical Romance, Thursday, and Circa Survive. I really only heard one of their songs before, it randomly popped on my Spotify. But I like MCR and Coheed, so I wanted to take a listen.

I was pleasantly surprised by the band! First of all, I am totally your typical fangirl. I thought the lead vocalist, Anthony Green, looked so damn good. I've listened to Circa Survive before but I never would have guessed he looked like that. I don't know what I expected him to look like, but he has a very high pitched voice and I guess I just imagined a young looking guy with the Bieber emo sweep hair. I forgot what year it was, apparently. Anyway, I enjoyed his energy and how he talked to the audience. The music itself is your typical rock and it definitely got me moving around.

Favourite song: 2022

Neck Deep

I knew nothing about this band beforehand but they were right after L.S. Dunes and playing in the stage beside them so I decided to take a listen. Neck Deep seems to be your typical pop-punk band. I'm admittedly not a huge pop-punk person (a lot of it sound the same to me after a while) but I really enjoyed their set! It was very energetic and a lot of fun.

Favourite song: Serpents

Underoath

I was sadly late to Underoath and I missed them playing my favourite song from the album they were playing. However, that didn't deter me from enjoying the rest of their set. It was my first time seeing them and I was seriously so impressed. The clean vocalist blows my mind. He also drums at the same time and I just don't understand how he does it. He's so good.

They played the entirety of They're Only Chasing Safety but they had time to play Writing on the Walls at the very end. I lost my shit. My ultimate favourite Underoath song. The song has such an interesting structure and the rhythms don't feel super natural so it was a (good) rollercoaster hearing it. It tied up the set quite nicely.

Favourite Song: Writing on the Walls

3OH!3

This group kinda made me do a double take when I saw them in the lineup. They're not even a band and definitely lean more pop than many of the bands at the festival. However, they still definitely fit in "the scene" back then. It was pop for the scene kids, I guess? Unfortunately, they were not that good. The sound was a little crunchy, so I blame the sound techs more than the actual band. It was all distorted bass. And from where I was, I couldn't really take a nice picture of anything either. Thankfully, I only planned to hear a few songs and then I had to go to the next set anyway.

Favourite Song: N/A

Coheed and Cambria

The main attraction!!! I basically had to run from 3OH!3 to catch Coheed. I had goosebumps from the moment they started playing. It was a fun set, however I wish I was a little bit further back and not so into the crowd. I barely saw the stage and had a bad view of the screens. I feel like unless you're right at the barrier, it's not worth trying to get close. Maybe it's just me, because I'm also short. One thing I've learned from this festival is that I should probably stand closer to the back, more than anything.

Anyway, Coheed is always fun to see play. However, they didn't play all of the songs from the album, which was a bit of a bummer. The bright side is that all of my favourite songs from this album were played! So it sucks if there were people who had favourite songs from the latter half of the album. What I found was interesting, was that they also played songs from different albums. I thought maybe they could have played other Good Apollo tracks instead. But it is a festival after all, so they probably felt obligated to play some of the hits.

Overall, it's always a good time with Coheed. It was my third time seeing them, and I never regret going to one of their shows!

Favourite Song(s): Apollo I: The Writing Writer, Once Upon Your Dead Body

Taking Back Sunday

I didn't technically watch all of Taking Back Sunday, I only caught their last song of the set before The Used. But I took a picture of them, so I decided to write about them, too. A lot of people complain about TBS sets, because their vocalist, Adam, is often inebriated (allegedly) on stage. I didn't watch for too long, but the vibes were pretty good.

The Used

This was a set that I was also really looking forward to. The Used was a band I really liked back in 2006/2007 along with the MCR. They even toured together and made songs together. Their album In Love and Death was one of my favourite albums during that time. It actually still holds up today, I think. I don't dislike a single song on it (although my least favourite song has got to be Lunacy Fringe, it's just not a song I go back to often). I would also burn CDs with some of The Used most profane songs and then make my dad play them in the car. I was so edgy back then, it hurts to think about.

Back to the more recent past. The set was really good! Bert's voice was really great to hear in person. I was a bit saddened that he doesn't do the screaming parts anymore but the songs still sounded great. A few people complained about Bert's attitude throughout the set but I kinda just thought that was him just shooting the shit. I don't really take any band's on-stage persona seriously. And Bert has always given me the "trolling asshole" vibes anyhow, I'm not too bothered by it. He mentioned about never breaking up, never taking hiatuses, and being the best band ever. It's okay Bert, I know it's all in good fun.

Seems like Bert talked too much because he went over time and they had to cut the sound in the middle of one of their songs. A bummer and confusing at the moment. But I really enjoyed the set regardless. Bert sounded flawless. The band was tight. Can't ask for anything more!

Favourite Song(s): Listening, Sound Effects and Overdramatics

Intermission

After The Used, I headed straight to the merch line. I waited for a long time only for my card to get declined because my bank was like, "why are you trying to buy something in Vegas, aren't you Canadian?" Almost two hours of waiting, wasted. I'm still mad about it. It's fine, I got some merch on day 2 (I'll talk about this in my day 2 post). I eventually did get my credit card sorted out, I went back to my hotel to take a shower (Vegas had me hella sweaty) and afterwards I called my bank to get it unblocked. I also chilled a little and just watched Sailor Moon in my hotel room.

Fall Out Boy

I haven't listened to Fall Out Boy in a while but I was excited for this set. The first half was amaaaazing. They played all the hits: Dance Dance, A Little Less Sixteen Candles A Little More Touch Me, Sugar We're Going Down, Thanks fr th Mmrs, This Ain't a Scene It's an Arms Race. And those are honestly all the Fall Out Boy songs I know.

The rest of the set was just... Not for me. The production was great. There were a lot of fireworks, pyrotechnics, dancers, and lights. But if you were like me, and stopped paying attention to Fall Out Boy when they became a little more mainstream, I just didn't know or like a lot of the songs they played. And it was an hour and a half long set. So I spent most of the set just standing there, waiting for it to end. And I was getting grouchier by the second, my feet were hurting, and I was actually feeling like I could fall asleep on the spot. I was so thankful once it finally ended.

Favourite Song(s): A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me

My Chemical Romance

A lot of people left after Fall Out Boy ended and I got pushed forward too deep into the crowd. I ended up in a really unfortunate spot. I was standing behind some really tall people (why is it that whenever I end up behind tall people, it's not just one person, but a whole ass group?) and also behind two very enthusiastic fans who had big hair that literally kept getting in my face. I really did not enjoy MCR's set because of where I was standing, and spent most of it trying to peer in between the shoulders of the people in front of me.

There were good moments, though. When Gerard's face appeared on the screen for the first time, I felt my soul leave my body. It looked like he dyed his hair and got it cut and he looked about ten years younger. He looked so good and the teenager in me fell in love with him all over again.

At one point Gerard told the audience to bark like a dog before House of Wolves, which was hilarious. I cried during I Don't Love You for no reason at all. That song usually doesn't emotionally move me but in that moment, it just did. I think I was in a weird state, being in a bad place in the crowd. But also, near the beginning of the set, I saw Gerard drink out of a glass bottle and it made me do a double take and kind of took me out of it. I thought that maybe he was drinking alcohol. Gerard is an alcoholic and I was wondering if he had relapsed. For some reason, that really affected my state of mind as well. Watching the footage from that day now, it did not look like he was drinking alcohol. Seems like Gerard is still sober. Parasocial fan problems at its finest.

I continued not having a great time in the crowd. During their "encore" they played I'm Not Okay and Helena. I actually started to leaving during Helena to beat the crowds. I did no such thing. The crowds had the same idea as I did. But I still heard the band play as I was making my way out which was nice.

End of Day 1

My hotel was a 10-15 minute walk from the venue and it was crazy seeing the roads basically shut down after the festival ended. Just a mass of people walking in the streets. When I got to my hotel, I had to wait about an hour for the elevator. It was absolutely cool to see. It felt like I was part of something, in a weird way.

Honestly, at the end of the first day I was a little bit disappointed. Fall Out Boy was way too long for me. The MCR crowd situation drained a lot of my enjoyment from the set. I think the highlight of the day was seeing Underoath and The Used. For some reason, the Coheed set didn't really hit as hard I imagined. Maybe it's because I've seen them so many times. Underoath and The Used were first timers for me and it was great to hear songs I've loved for over a decade in person.

I learned my lesson though: being closer to the front does not guarantee a good time.