When You Were Young - Day 1

2024-11-01

And sometimes you close your eyes and see the place where you used to live

When you

Were young

— The Killers, "When You Were Young"

I went to Vegas two weeks ago to attend a music festival called, "When We Were Young." The premise of the festival is essentially a nostalgia cash grab aimed at millennials who really loved emo, screamo, punk, pop-punk, and alternative rock from the 2000's to early 2010's. I am someone who absolutely falls into this demographic.

Music has always been a big part of my life, and it really did start with pop-punk/pop-rock. Green Day was the first band I became absolutely obsessed with. Shortly after, it was the band My Chemical Romance. Green Day headlined the festival last year (I did not attend), but My Chemical Romance did headlined this year.

Despite MCR headlining, I originally attended this festival because of one of my favourite bands was playing my favourite album of theirs front to back: Coheed and Cambria and their album Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV Volume One: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness. There were a few other bands in the lineup that I was interested in like Taking Back Sunday, Dance Gavin Dance, Underoath, Silverstein, and, of course, My Chemical Romance. But my main motivation was that Coheed album. So, I bought tickets and booked a mini vacay in Vegas.

Day 1

I was really hyped going into the festival. On the first day, I woke up and went to the gates two hours before they opened. The line was definitely long but thankfully it was spread across multiple entry points. Going through the line didn't take much time at all, it was just waiting for the gates to open that took the longest time. In hindsight, I really did not have to go that early.

I bought a locker so as soon as we were let in, I immediately dumped my sweaters and power bank there. It is of course very hot in Vegas, but at night I was shivering. And who wants to carry sweaters around during the day? Not I!

L.S. Dunes

After that, I walked over to the first set that I wanted to see. It was L.S. Dunes, a supergroup consisting of band members from Coheed and Cambria, My Chemical Romance, Thursday, and Circa Survive. I really only heard one of their songs before, it randomly popped on my Spotify. But I like MCR and Coheed, so I wanted to take a listen.

I was pleasantly surprised by the band! First of all, I am totally your typical fangirl. I thought the lead vocalist, Anthony Green, looked so damn good. I've listened to Circa Survive before but I never would have guessed he looked like that. I don't know what I expected him to look like, but he has a very high pitched voice and I guess I just imagined a young looking guy with the Bieber emo sweep hair. I forgot what year it was, apparently. Anyway, I enjoyed his energy and how he talked to the audience. The music itself is your typical rock and it definitely got me moving around.

Favourite song: 2022

Neck Deep

I knew nothing about this band beforehand but they were right after L.S. Dunes and playing in the stage beside them so I decided to take a listen. Neck Deep seems to be your typical pop-punk band. I'm admittedly not a huge pop-punk person (a lot of it sound the same to me after a while) but I really enjoyed their set! It was very energetic and a lot of fun.

Favourite song: Serpents

Underoath

I was sadly late to Underoath and I missed them playing my favourite song from the album they were playing. However, that didn't deter me from enjoying the rest of their set. It was my first time seeing them and I was seriously so impressed. The clean vocalist blows my mind. He also drums at the same time and I just don't understand how he does it. He's so good.

They played the entirety of They're Only Chasing Safety but they had time to play Writing on the Walls at the very end. I lost my shit. My ultimate favourite Underoath song. The song has such an interesting structure and the rhythms don't feel super natural so it was a (good) rollercoaster hearing it. It tied up the set quite nicely.

Favourite Song: Writing on the Walls

3OH!3

This group kinda made me do a double take when I saw them in the lineup. They're not even a band and definitely lean more pop than many of the bands at the festival. However, they still definitely fit in "the scene" back then. It was pop for the scene kids, I guess? Unfortunately, they were not that good. The sound was a little crunchy, so I blame the sound techs more than the actual band. It was all distorted bass. And from where I was, I couldn't really take a nice picture of anything either. Thankfully, I only planned to hear a few songs and then I had to go to the next set anyway.

Favourite Song: N/A

Coheed and Cambria

The main attraction!!! I basically had to run from 3OH!3 to catch Coheed. I had goosebumps from the moment they started playing. It was a fun set, however I wish I was a little bit further back and not so into the crowd. I barely saw the stage and had a bad view of the screens. I feel like unless you're right at the barrier, it's not worth trying to get close. Maybe it's just me, because I'm also short. One thing I've learned from this festival is that I should probably stand closer to the back, more than anything.

Anyway, Coheed is always fun to see play. However, they didn't play all of the songs from the album, which was a bit of a bummer. The bright side is that all of my favourite songs from this album were played! So it sucks if there were people who had favourite songs from the latter half of the album. What I found was interesting, was that they also played songs from different albums. I thought maybe they could have played other Good Apollo tracks instead. But it is a festival after all, so they probably felt obligated to play some of the hits.

Overall, it's always a good time with Coheed. It was my third time seeing them, and I never regret going to one of their shows!

Favourite Song(s): Apollo I: The Writing Writer, Once Upon Your Dead Body

Taking Back Sunday

I didn't technically watch all of Taking Back Sunday, I only caught their last song of the set before The Used. But I took a picture of them, so I decided to write about them, too. A lot of people complain about TBS sets, because their vocalist, Adam, is often inebriated (allegedly) on stage. I didn't watch for too long, but the vibes were pretty good.

The Used

This was a set that I was also really looking forward to. The Used was a band I really liked back in 2006/2007 along with the MCR. They even toured together and made songs together. Their album In Love and Death was one of my favourite albums during that time. It actually still holds up today, I think. I don't dislike a single song on it (although my least favourite song has got to be Lunacy Fringe, it's just not a song I go back to often). I would also burn CDs with some of The Used most profane songs and then make my dad play them in the car. I was so edgy back then, it hurts to think about.

Back to the more recent past. The set was really good! Bert's voice was really great to hear in person. I was a bit saddened that he doesn't do the screaming parts anymore but the songs still sounded great. A few people complained about Bert's attitude throughout the set but I kinda just thought that was him just shooting the shit. I don't really take any band's on-stage persona seriously. And Bert has always given me the "trolling asshole" vibes anyhow, I'm not too bothered by it. He mentioned about never breaking up, never taking hiatuses, and being the best band ever. It's okay Bert, I know it's all in good fun.

Seems like Bert talked too much because he went over time and they had to cut the sound in the middle of one of their songs. A bummer and confusing at the moment. But I really enjoyed the set regardless. Bert sounded flawless. The band was tight. Can't ask for anything more!

Favourite Song(s): Listening, Sound Effects and Overdramatics

Intermission

After The Used, I headed straight to the merch line. I waited for a long time only for my card to get declined because my bank was like, "why are you trying to buy something in Vegas, aren't you Canadian?" Almost two hours of waiting, wasted. I'm still mad about it. It's fine, I got some merch on day 2 (I'll talk about this in my day 2 post). I eventually did get my credit card sorted out, I went back to my hotel to take a shower (Vegas had me hella sweaty) and afterwards I called my bank to get it unblocked. I also chilled a little and just watched Sailor Moon in my hotel room.

Fall Out Boy

I haven't listened to Fall Out Boy in a while but I was excited for this set. The first half was amaaaazing. They played all the hits: Dance Dance, A Little Less Sixteen Candles A Little More Touch Me, Sugar We're Going Down, Thanks fr th Mmrs, This Ain't a Scene It's an Arms Race. And those are honestly all the Fall Out Boy songs I know.

The rest of the set was just... Not for me. The production was great. There were a lot of fireworks, pyrotechnics, dancers, and lights. But if you were like me, and stopped paying attention to Fall Out Boy when they became a little more mainstream, I just didn't know or like a lot of the songs they played. And it was an hour and a half long set. So I spent most of the set just standing there, waiting for it to end. And I was getting grouchier by the second, my feet were hurting, and I was actually feeling like I could fall asleep on the spot. I was so thankful once it finally ended.

Favourite Song(s): A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me

My Chemical Romance

A lot of people left after Fall Out Boy ended and I got pushed forward too deep into the crowd. I ended up in a really unfortunate spot. I was standing behind some really tall people (why is it that whenever I end up behind tall people, it's not just one person, but a whole ass group?) and also behind two very enthusiastic fans who had big hair that literally kept getting in my face. I really did not enjoy MCR's set because of where I was standing, and spent most of it trying to peer in between the shoulders of the people in front of me.

There were good moments, though. When Gerard's face appeared on the screen for the first time, I felt my soul leave my body. It looked like he dyed his hair and got it cut and he looked about ten years younger. He looked so good and the teenager in me fell in love with him all over again.

At one point Gerard told the audience to bark like a dog before House of Wolves, which was hilarious. I cried during I Don't Love You for no reason at all. That song usually doesn't emotionally move me but in that moment, it just did. I think I was in a weird state, being in a bad place in the crowd. But also, near the beginning of the set, I saw Gerard drink out of a glass bottle and it made me do a double take and kind of took me out of it. I thought that maybe he was drinking alcohol. Gerard is an alcoholic and I was wondering if he had relapsed. For some reason, that really affected my state of mind as well. Watching the footage from that day now, it did not look like he was drinking alcohol. Seems like Gerard is still sober. Parasocial fan problems at its finest.

I continued not having a great time in the crowd. During their "encore" they played I'm Not Okay and Helena. I actually started to leaving during Helena to beat the crowds. I did no such thing. The crowds had the same idea as I did. But I still heard the band play as I was making my way out which was nice.

End of Day 1

My hotel was a 10-15 minute walk from the venue and it was crazy seeing the roads basically shut down after the festival ended. Just a mass of people walking in the streets. When I got to my hotel, I had to wait about an hour for the elevator. It was absolutely cool to see. It felt like I was part of something, in a weird way.

Honestly, at the end of the first day I was a little bit disappointed. Fall Out Boy was way too long for me. The MCR crowd situation drained a lot of my enjoyment from the set. I think the highlight of the day was seeing Underoath and The Used. For some reason, the Coheed set didn't really hit as hard I imagined. Maybe it's because I've seen them so many times. Underoath and The Used were first timers for me and it was great to hear songs I've loved for over a decade in person.

I learned my lesson though: being closer to the front does not guarantee a good time.

Merging with others

2024-10-29

A friend of mine recently posted something on indepdendence and codependency. This got me thinking about my own relationship with... Relationships, really. I've posted before about my Venus in Scorpio placement and how I see that play out in my romantic relationships. I have an intense need to merge with others and completely enmesh myself with the other person's life. Of course, not everyone likes that.

In my last relationship that really did a number on me, my ex told me that I was trying to make him my entire world. He found it incredibly suffocating. I was at a loss because that was exactly what I wanted from that relationship. I loved the feeling of being in love with him, and wanted to spend every single moment with him. However, the energy wasn't reciprocrated. We started to resent each other.

I, strangely, resented my lack of independence. I was putting so much energy into this other person and sacrificing so much of myself for little gain. I neglected my hobbies. I gave up friends at his request. I spent all my time with him after work and on the weekends. I even got him a job at my workplace. I lost myself in him. For nothing. And I disliked him for it.

In another relationship, this also happened, but to a lesser degree. I spent a lot of time with that ex but I was bored throughout. I stopped indulging in my hobbies just to be bored at his house watching him play League of Legends. Never again!

Now, I think I want to approach relationships in a more balanced way. I don't want to lose myself. I want to have my own life and share it with someone else and the same time. I want to be able to focus on my hobbies, and talk to my own friends. After being single and crush-less for three years, I've learned that I actually like my own company. My entire life, I've been hopping from crush to crush and relationship to relationship and never stopped to get to know myself.

While I don't think I've swung all the way to "independent woman who doesn't need a relationship," I want to think that I'm now less predisposed to codependency. I broke my crush-less streak last year and I did definitely notice that my thoughts were completely consumed by this person. The only way I grounded myself was to make cringey blog posts. I need something more to ground me, I think. I probably need to further develop my personal life so that it's more enriching (and less scrolling on Reddit on my phone), which will help with that. Honestly, with both school and work going on at the same time, I don't think I can afford to be daydreaming and in love like that anyhow. That's what I say, but I also procrastinate the heck on school things with other useless things.

A part of me also doesn't want to fall in love anymore. I don't like it when I'm in love. I'm not even sure if it's ever love to begin with. Sometimes I wonder if I even ever liked my exes as people. I was too blinded by my emotions to properly evaluate them and our relationship. So, being more discerning is definitely something I want to be in any future relationships.

"Make new things"

2024-10-27

I saw super group L.S. Dunes play last weekend and at the end of their set, their vocalist Anthony Green said, "Make new things!" He also said after a song, "If you feel like you got something missing in your life, start a fucking band. You don't even have to be able to be good at playing anything." He glanced down and gestured to himself. "Look. Like, see?" It was baffling to me that he was so self-deprecating, because Anthony Green is huge in the emo scene, has a super distinctive voice, and is part of so many pivotal bands, but that's besides the point. Well... Maybe?

I've always, always, always been discontent with my consumption to creation ratio. I think a lot of it stems from an inferiority complex. I've always felt like creating is for other people. People who are more talented, cooler, and with actual original ideas. For some reason, I have it in my head that everything I have to make has to be amazing. Otherwise, why even try? I recognize it's not the most productive mindset. In fact, it's anti-productive: it leads me to not creating things at all.

This is something I've realized fairly recently. I've tried a few times to learn how to draw all over again and have been discouraged by my lack of progress and wanting to be good immediately. It was a big reason why I stopped trying to seriously draw. Which goes back to what Green said during the L.S. Dunes show. You don't have to be good at something to do it. What I got from his mini-speech was that making music, for him, was largely an emotional experience.

When I do have the impulse to make something, it is usually based on something emotional. Something inspires me. Or something happens and I have a reaction to it (like this post right now). I just dive my entire self into it without thinking (too much) about whether it's good enough. My mind is just focused on getting whatever I'm thinking about onto the page.

It's when I try to be more serious about something that it all falls apart. Practice? Trying to do something everyday? Being comfortable with not being the best? It's all really hard for me to do, and it results in me not doing anything. It sounds bad, but maybe I just need to take things less seriously. Do I really need to be good at something to do it? Maybe not so.

Did it really happen if you can't remember it?

2024-10-25

A sentiment I see sometimes is that bringing kids to expensive destinations (like Disneyland) are a waste of time and money if they won't even remember them when they're older. This came to mind recently as I was showing a visitor around my city and saw a lot of young families at the typical tourist destinations. It came to mind again when I attended a few concerts this week.

I saw Green Day a few months ago and I spent the entire time just jamming out. I took a picture or two but that's pretty much it. I wanted to be present and experience the concert fully. My brother came with me and he did a bit more filming. I had the time of my life (if you know, you know)! Afterwards, I found that my memory of the concert rapidly faded in my mind. I was grateful for my brother's recordings and I watched them a few times. It honestly made me wish I took more pictures or a few more videos.

Just this weekend, I saw My Chemical Romance. I had seen MCR a couple of times before, back in 2011 and 2022. I barely remember the 2011 concert. I don't remember any of the actual performance. I just remember looking back at my friend in the middle of "Welcome to the Black Parade" and singing the lyrics at each other. This was before filming or taking pictures on your phone was really a thing (I don't think I even had a smartphone yet), so recording never came to my mind. But I really wish I somehow remembered more of the concert.

So, watching MCR again, I decided to take more videos. I know people constantly deride others who film at concerts for not "being in the moment." But I actually think I was present. I filmed maybe 30 second clips per song and then jumped around and yelled for the rest of it. Still had the time of my life. Still sang my heart out. And I have been watching my videos for the past week. I'm so grateful that I did take the videos.

There are people out there on YouTube who filmed the entire concert and I'm appreciative for those who did (I've watched MCR's set like five times already). But, unless said person was standing at the exact place I was, it's not the same experience.

From now on, I'll be less hesitant about recording at concerts. I think I've struck a balance between "having a memento" and "being present."

Like that BTS song but it's permission to cry

2024-10-24

One thing that my therapist would often tell me was, "I can see you trying not to cry. You can cry, you know are safe here." Only then would I let myself cry. Each time she said this, it never occurred to me that I was holding in my tears. I don't know why I needed this permission to cry. I am not one to usually dislike showing emotions. A part of me even likes crying. Maybe it's a weird act of bravery that I think that I'm displaying. Or I just wanted to get out words before I just become a useless mess. Either way. I was trying not to cry.

I think something like this happens a lot to me. I'm often holding onto feelings and letting them accumulate without releasing the pressure valve. And often times, I don't know that I'm holding onto those emotions.

Over the weekend, I went to a concert to see one of my favourite bands. At that concert, before a particularly emotionally hard-hitting song, the vocalist said, "let everything go, EVERYTHING" and on command I just started to cry. I didn't know what kind of emotions I was releasing at that point, all I knew was that I needed to... let it go.

Thinking about it now, it made me realize that I still have a few issues that I need to sort out and that I really should contact my therapist again (although I dread her reprimanding me... ugh).

It's been a few days and I keep replaying that moment in my mind and the tears keep springing up to my eyes. I feel like this moment will stay with me forever. I hope it does, honestly. It's a good reminder that our emotions need some sort of constructive outlet. It doesn't need to just be crying. It could just be losing yourself to a good song or taking part in a hobby. Or screaming your heart out at a concert. I really put all of myself into that concert. I had the time of my life. And I let myself let go. I needed a little permission first, but I did it.