Finally Mellowing Out

2024-02-12

I have a major crush on someone. Although, now I think I can downgrade it to just, "I have a crush on someone." For a couple of months, I was riding the high of liking someone new. I kinda hate myself when I like someone. I feel like I'm insufferable and my thoughts are just so preoccupied with that person. Now, I think I'm finally at normal levels of liking someone, whatever that means. In other words, I'm not as obsessed anymore. I think part of it is accepting that the likelihood of anything happening being non-existent and just reveling in the feeling of enjoying someone's company.

Basically. I ended up having a crush on a coworker. A remote coworker. Who lives in another country. Who I have little in common with. Who is way out of my league. Who is considerably younger than me. Who is a big extrovert. Who comes from a different cultural and religious background. Who just seems to be my opposite in many ways.

In a way, I am thankful for the power of the Internet for meeting this person. If I were to see this person on a dating app or something, I would swipe whichever way it is to reject someone. I never would have entertained the idea to befriend someone like this (AKA a way-hotter-than-me white guy who likes to watch sports and doesn't read and doesn't play video games or doesn't like anime).

And I'm trying my best to nudge my crush into purely platonic territory. I really do think if we were to have met normally AKA in real life, we would probably be friends. Maybe not good friends. But friends. If we were to meet right now, though, I think I would let my feelings get in the way. I am still really averse to meeting this person, even after my crush on them "mellowing out." I think I'll get there, eventually.

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